What do you say to someone grieving on Father’s Day?
Father’s Day can be a powerful way of celebrating the Dads in our lives. But for those of us who have lost Dads, lost children or are longing to become a father, it can be an emotional and isolating day. Knowing how to support the people grieving on Father’s Day can be tricky, sometimes this means we avoid the conversation altogether.
But it doesn’t necessarily have to be a hard conversation. Don’t avoid it. Start the conversation by asking them “What’s the best thing I can do for you this Father’s Day?”
We asked this question to people who have been through it themselves. Read on to see their tips on ways to support someone who is grieving this Father’s Day.
6 ways to support someone grieving on Father’s Day
Tip 1: Ask them about the person they’ve lost
“My answer would be: ask me about my Dad, what he was like, how he made me laugh so I can talk about him with joy. Sometimes I think so much about how I feel when he died I forget what it was like when he was alive. So I’d like to be able to talk about him."
From Afua Hagan
Afua is a TV News Anchor, Commentator, Journalist and award-winning Broadcaster. Afua lost her dad in 2018 – she has written about her mental health and grief journey, here.
Tip 2: Drop them a message - simple acts of kindness mean a lot
"Special dates like Father’s Day can often amplify a loved one’s absence. A simple text to let your loved one know you’re thinking of them can go a long way. Ask how they’re feeling and if there’s anything they need. Small gestures like this can help alleviate the sense of isolation that often accompanies grief."
From Lotte Bowser
Lotte is a writer, “The Lemonade Podcast” host and author – her memoir Bittersweet: a Story of Love and Loss is due to be released this autumn. She lost both her father and her partner within months of each other in 2020 and 2021. Listen to her discuss sudden loss, the symptoms of grief and coping mechanisms for grief in this episode of The Lemonade Podcast, here.
“Not that I expect it, but the best thing someone can do for me is simply to send me a text message. On the surface, this seems so simple but for me, it shows that someone has acknowledged my loss and understands that it may be a difficult day. Grief support doesn’t have to be complex or require a million and one things to be done. Something as simple as a text can provide so much comfort beyond belief.”
From Jermaine Omoregie
Jermaine is the host of the Thinking Out Loud podcast, which dives into grief and mental health. Jermaine lost both of his parents within a year of each other. Listen to him discuss his grief journey, and how he began to rebuild his identity after loss in this episode of Thinking Out Loud, here.
Tip 3: Acknowledge how Father’s Day may be tricky for them – and remind them that that’s okay
"I think there is something nice in those around you acknowledging that a day like Father’s Day might be tricky when you’ve lost your dad in recent years. We will be walking past hundreds of adverts for Father’s Day gifts for the weeks on either side of the day itself so will be braced for the feelings that stir. A message from someone close to you reminding you it’s ok to feel a bit off about it all, goes a long way."
From Carl Donnelly
Carl Donnelly is a stand-up comedian, writer and Veganuary ambassador. He debuted his ‘The Dead Dad Show’ at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival in 2023, in which he used comedy to help process the experience of losing his Dad. Listen to him talk about grief with a sense of humour with fellow comedians on the ‘Our Dads Died’ podcast, here.
Tip 4: Allow them to celebrate their person
"The best thing someone could do for me this Father's Day is to give me an impromptu phone call, or a voice note, to say they’re thinking of me and are celebrating my Father's life with me.”
From Kaew Suppamas
Kaew Suppamas is the founder of Leafage, a company that helps teams recharge through nature-based experiences. She lost her father to a heart attack and built Leafage on a mission to remind people of the importance of our wellbeing.
Tip 5: Open the conversation with your loved ones who are struggling to become fathers
“Father's Day can be particularly challenging for those who are trying to become fathers. Often it feels like they're forgotten, but infertility causes many complex feelings, including grief. It's a space many don't understand until they have lived it. If you know your friend is struggling to conceive, or going through fertility treatment, just send them a simple message to let them know you're thinking of them. Tell them that you're there if they need a listening ear. Give them the opportunity to talk, and be the one to open the conversation.”
From Gaia
Gaia is a company that helps people pay for and protect their IVF treatment. They are on a mission to make people’s IVF journey more accessible and affordable.
Tip 6: If your Dad is still around, celebrate him and tell him you love him
“The best thing someone could do for me, this Father's Day, in all honesty, is just give your Dad a hug. Or a call. Take them for dinner or for a drink. Tell them you love them. Have a proper conversation. Do something that makes their day. Make them a card, send them a text, buy them a book on military history or football from the past. Dad stuff, y’know. Just spend the day making your dad feel appreciated. It'll mean the world to them, and one day, it will to you too. And, most importantly, I’ll be pleased."
From Rich Spalding
Rich Spalding is a stand-up comedian, writer and host of the ‘Our Dads Died’ podcast. Listen to him talk about how to get through Father’s Day when you haven’t got a Dad anymore on the ‘Our Dads Died’ podcast, here.
Still not sure what exactly to do to support someone this Father’s Day?
Why not ask them: “What’s the best thing I can do for you this Father’s Day?”
About Octopus Legacy
In 2016, Sam's Mum died suddenly in a car crash. Dealing with grief was tough enough without everything else that came with it. Sam started Octopus Legacy to try and make the experience of loss easier for those of us left behind. Now Octopus Legacy is the place to plan for death and find support after a loss, offering a range of estate planning services as well as probate and bereavement support.
